What to Look for in a Therapist
Your complete guide to finding the right fit
Reframing the Path, by licensed therapist Melissa Rolfes, is your guide to making the most of your therapeutic journey—helping you feel more confident and effective every step of the way. The information provided here is for educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care, nor does it establish a therapist-client relationship. If you're experiencing distress and feel unable to keep yourself safe, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room immediately.
Let’s Talk About Bad Therapy
I can’t count how many times clients have shared stories about previous therapy experiences that left them feeling misunderstood or frustrated. They describe therapists who were too rigid, impersonal, or quick to offer advice without really listening. Or worse, therapists who seemed checked out—nodding along without providing real support or guidance.
One of the most common things I hear from clients is that they spent months, sometimes even years, working with a therapist they didn’t feel connected to. They kept showing up out of a sense of obligation or fear of starting over, feeling like they couldn’t or shouldn’t find someone else.
Too often, clients believe that therapy itself isn’t working, when the real problem is the fit. Therapy is a collaborative process, and if the therapist’s style or approach doesn’t mesh with what you need, it’s almost impossible to make real progress. Just because someone is a licensed professional doesn’t mean they’re the right therapist for you.
I tell every client when we first start working together: Give me a couple of sessions, and if you’re not feeling it, let me help you find someone who is a better fit for you. I see it as my ethical duty to make sure my clients get the best care possible, whether that's with me or someone else.
The truth is, therapy is a deeply personal experience, and what you need from it is unique to you. It’s not just about finding someone who’s licensed and qualified (though that’s essential). It’s about finding a therapist you genuinely connect with—someone who listens, “gets it,” challenges you when you need it, and supports you in a way that feels genuine.
This guide will walk you through how to choose a therapist by breaking down what to look for: from credentials and therapy styles to compatibility and practical factors like cost and availability. We’ll also cover your rights as a client, empowering you to advocate for yourself and hire the best provider for you.
Why Finding the Right Therapist Matters
A good therapist can be a powerful ally on your path to healing. Whether you're dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship issues, or just trying to gain more clarity and self-awareness, the therapeutic relationship itself is one of the most important factors in whether therapy works.
The effectiveness of therapy often depends on the quality of the connection between you and your therapist. Research consistently shows that a strong, trusting relationship—built on empathy, understanding, and collaboration—can be just as crucial to the healing process as the specific techniques or interventions being used.
But finding the right fit isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it takes meeting with more than one therapist to find someone who truly gets you. And that’s okay. A bad match doesn’t mean therapy itself won’t work—it just means you haven’t found your person yet. Just like any other relationship, it takes time to find someone who you feel comfortable with and who can support you in the way you need.
Having a good fit with your therapist means feeling understood, supported, and challenged in a way that feels productive. It means working with someone who listens, but who also offers insight, guidance, and practical tools that feel relevant to your goals.
When you find the right therapist, it can be transformative. The work can be hard, but it’s made easier by feeling like you’re in it with someone who’s truly on your side.
5 Factors to Consider in your Search for the Right Therapist
Finding the right therapist is about more than just checking credentials or finding someone with a convenient schedule. It’s about making sure their qualifications, approach, and personality are a good fit for your needs. Here are the most important factors to consider:
Compatibility and Connection: Feeling Seen & Heard
Credentials and therapeutic approach matter, but the therapeutic relationship itself is often the most important factor. Finding someone who feels like the right fit involves:
Feeling Understood: Does your therapist make you feel seen, heard, and validated?
Respecting Your Identity: Are they culturally competent and affirming of your background, sexuality, gender, and other aspects of your identity?
Challenging You Productively: Do they push you in ways that feel helpful, not harmful?
Communication Style: Does their way of explaining things or offering feedback work for you?
It’s okay to be picky. The right therapist will make you feel supported but also challenge you to grow.
Licensing: Therapist Qualifications Explained
Making sure your therapist is properly licensed is non-negotiable. Credentials can vary depending on the type of therapy they provide and the state where they practice. I can only speak for Virginia, since that is the state in which I’m licensed, and here the common licenses are:
LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor): Requires a master’s degree in counseling or a related field, supervised clinical experience, and passing a national examination.
LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker): Requires a master’s degree in social work (MSW), supervised clinical practice, and passing a national exam.
LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist): Requires a master’s or doctoral degree in marriage and family therapy, extensive supervised experience, and passing a national examination.
LCP (Licensed Clinical Psychologist): Requires a doctoral degree in psychology (PsyD or PhD), supervised clinical practice, and passing a national licensing exam. Licensed Psychologists can also do formal psychological testing that masters-level clinicians are not qualified to do.
Read more about the differences in mental health providers and their qualifications.
If you’re outside of Virginia, the exact licensing requirements and titles may differ. To confirm your therapist’s credentials, visit your state’s Department of Health website or licensing board. Most states provide online databases where you can search for a therapist’s name and verify their licensure status.
Licensing ensures that the therapist has met specific standards of education, training, and ethical practice. No matter where you live, it’s essential to make sure your therapist is properly trained and credentialed for the work they are doing.
Choosing a Therapist for a Specific Concern
If you’re looking for a therapist to help you with a specific issue—like trauma, anxiety, children’s mental health, or relationship problems—it’s helpful to narrow your search by looking for relevant certifications or specialized training. Therapists can say they have training in any modality, but formal certification ensures they have completed a specific, structured training process and met established standards for competence.
The type of training a therapist has often indicates what kinds of issues they are most qualified to help with. Here’s how to approach it:
Identify Your Primary Concern: What are you seeking help for? Trauma, anxiety, depression, relationship issues, children’s mental health, etc.
Find Out What Certifications or Specializations Are Relevant: Research what credentials or specialized training are commonly associated with effective treatment for your concern. For example:
Trauma: Look for therapists who are EMDR Certified (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or have training in Somatic Therapy.
Children’s Mental Health: Seek out therapists with Play Therapy Certification or those who are licensed as Registered Play Therapists (RPT).
Relationship Issues: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFT) specialize in working with couples and families. Additionally, therapists trained and certified in specific models like Gottman Method or Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) often provide more specialized relationship support. If you’re wondering if you need couples therapy vs. individual therapy, you can learn more about it here.
Use These Credentials and Specializations as Keywords: When searching for a therapist online, include these terms in your search. For example:
“EMDR Certified therapist near me”
“Registered Play Therapist for children”
“ACT Certified therapist for anxiety”
“Gottman-trained couples therapist”
Check Their Credentials: Review their website or online profiles to confirm their certifications and specialized training. Many therapists list their credentials and areas of expertise on their professional profiles, directories, or personal websites.
By using these credentials and specializations as keywords, you can narrow down your search and find someone who has the right expertise for your particular needs.
Finding the Right Therapy Approach for You
Every therapist has their own approach to treatment, and it’s worth considering what style resonates with you. Some of common approaches include:
Cognitive: Focuses on identifying and changing unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors.
Psychodynamic: Explores unconscious processes and how past experiences shape current behaviors.
Humanistic: Emphasizes personal growth and self-awareness through empathy and unconditional positive regard.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): A structured approach aimed at building emotional regulation, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness skills.
Somatic: Focuses on the connection between the mind and body, especially useful for trauma and anxiety.
No single approach works for everyone. It’s important to have a basic understanding of what feels right for you. Some people respond well to structured, skills-based approaches like CBT or DBT, while others prefer a more open-ended, exploratory style.
Practical Considerations & Logistics
There are also practical factors to consider when choosing a therapist:
Cost and Insurance: Therapy can be expensive, so it’s essential to find someone whose fees aligned with your budget. Some therapists accept insurance, while others operate on a sliding scale or offer payment plans.
If cost is an issue, you can check out Open Path Psychotherapy Collective, a nonprofit nationwide network of mental health professionals dedicated to providing in-office and online mental health care—at a steeply reduced rate—to clients in need.
Location and Availability: Accessibility matters—whether you’re looking for someone near you or a therapist who offers telehealth sessions. Make sure their availability matches your schedule.
Identity and Culture: It’s not only okay to have preferences around your therapist’s gender, age, race, ethnicity, or cultural background— it’s something worth thinking about before you start your search, especially if certain identities help you feel more seen, understood, or safe. These factors can influence how comfortable you feel opening up, and that matters.
Telehealth Options: If you prefer online therapy, confirm that the therapist offers this service and is licensed in your state. Click here to learn more about how to decide if online counseling is right for you.
6 Therapist Red Flags: What to Watch Out For
Not every therapist will be a good fit for you, but there are certain behaviors and practices that should be considered red flags—no matter how skilled or experienced the therapist may be. Here’s what to look out for:
🚩 Lack of Professional Boundaries
Oversharing personal details about their own life.
Attempting to establish a friendship or romantic relationship with you.
Discussing their other clients with you.
🚩 Dismissiveness or Judgment
Minimizing or invalidating your feelings or experiences.
Making you feel ashamed or guilty for your thoughts or emotions.
Responding with impatience, irritation, or frustration when you’re struggling.
🚩 Unethical Practices
Encouraging you to break laws or violate your own ethics.
Making guarantees about outcomes or promising “cures.”
Pushing their own religious, political, or personal beliefs onto you.
🚩 Lack of Cultural Competency or Inclusivity
Making assumptions about your identity, background, or experiences.
Dismissing or ignoring issues related to race, gender, sexuality, disability, or other parts of your identity.
Refusing to respect your pronouns or chosen name.
🚩 Poor Communication Skills
Interrupting you frequently or dominating the conversation.
Not listening or appearing distracted during sessions.
Failing to clarify their approach or explain how therapy will work.
🚩 Pushing Therapy Styles That Don't Work for You
Refusing to adjust their approach if it clearly isn’t working for you.
Insisting that you need to “try harder” or “just push through” without offering real support or adjustments.
3 Barriers to Finding the Right Therapist
Choosing a therapist isn’t always straightforward, and it’s easy to get tripped up by some common assumptions. If you've ever felt discouraged by past therapy experiences, you’re not alone. Here are a few mistakes people often make when starting the search—and how to avoid them.
Prioritizing Credentials Over Connection
Credentials are important—you want a licensed, qualified professional. But just because someone has a long list of letters after their name doesn’t mean they’re the right therapist for you. Connection matters. If you don’t feel safe, respected, or understood, it’s going to be hard to do meaningful work together, no matter how impressive their training is.
✅ What to do instead: Check credentials to make sure the therapist is legit, but don’t stop there. Pay attention to how you feel in sessions—do you feel heard? Do you feel like you can be honest? That’s where the real work starts.
Assuming Therapy Is One-Size-Fits-All
Some people think therapy looks the same no matter who you see: you talk, they listen. But therapists use different approaches, have different personalities, and structure sessions in different ways. What feels helpful for one person might feel overwhelming or unhelpful to someone else.
✅ What to do instead: Learn a little about common therapy approaches and think about what might work best for you. Do you want a structured, skills-based approach? More open-ended exploration? Someone who gives homework, or someone who helps you reflect? There’s no right answer—just what’s right for you.
Giving Up After One Bad Experience
Unfortunately, a lot of people have had disappointing experiences with therapy. Maybe the therapist was cold or talked too much. Maybe you didn’t click. That doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for you—it just means that therapist wasn’t.
✅ What to do instead: If your first attempt didn’t work, try again. Finding the right therapist can take time, and that’s not a failure—it’s part of the process. You’re allowed to leave a therapist who isn’t helping and keep looking until you find someone who does.
How to Advocate for Yourself - Knowing Your Rights
Therapy isn’t just about finding someone with the right credentials—it’s about finding someone who actually works for you. That means knowing how to ask the right questions, trust your instincts, and understand your rights as a client. You’re not just receiving care—you’re participating in it. And that means you get to be informed, selective, and empowered.
Therapy is a professional service, and you have rights. You are not a passive participant. You have every right to make informed choices about who you work with and how the process unfolds.
Here are some primary rights you have as a client:
The Right to Informed Consent
→ Your therapist should clearly explain their fees, policies, confidentiality limits, and what to expect—before treatment begins. This is typically done via a written contract given to you to read and sign prior to your first appointment.The Right to End Therapy
→ You are never required to stick with a therapist who isn’t helping. You don’t need permission to leave.The Right to Ask Questions
→ You’re allowed to ask about anything that impacts your care—like your therapist’s experience with your specific concern, how they describe their approach, what progress typically looks like, and how they handle feedback. You don’t need perfect answers—you just need honesty and clarity that aligns with what you’re looking for.The Right to Feel Safe and Respected
→ Therapy should honor your identity and boundaries. If it doesn’t, that’s a red flag.The Right to Report Harmful Behavior
→ If a therapist behaves unethically or crosses boundaries, you can report them to their licensing board.
Getting the Support That’s Right for You
Getting the support you need starts with finding the right therapist—and that can take some trial and error. You’re not doing it wrong if you need to talk to more than one person, ask questions, or walk away from a therapist who doesn’t feel like a good match. That’s not failure—it’s how you find what actually works.
The right therapist can help you make meaningful change, work through hard things, and reconnect with parts of yourself you may have lost touch with. But you deserve care that works for you—not just a licensed provider, but someone who listens, challenges, and supports you in a way that feels right.
Use this guide as a starting point. Trust your instincts. Ask the questions. Advocate for yourself. You're allowed to want therapy that feels safe, empowering, and real.
You’re not just looking for any therapist—it’s about finding someone who truly helps you move forward. And when you find that, everything shifts.
If you’re a Virginia resident looking for therapy that’s grounded, collaborative, and tailored to your needs, I’d love to hear from you. I offer virtual sessions for adults across the state. Learn more or get in touch here.
